“So… it's over.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“No, it’s okay. I mean, I get it."
He sat in silence processing our conversation for several minutes before boldly asking, "could we just, you know... do it? One last time. A good-bye fuck."
And so it had begun. My single life, that is.
My ex and I broke up over specific reasons I have no desire further dwelling on... but the closure sex?! If we kept it up throughout our relationship the way we had done it last night, I may have given breaking up with him a second thought. Okay okay, so it’s not all about sex... sometimes two people no longer connect like they used to, especially intellectually. Everyone loves a good mind-fuck. There’s nothing like sitting up for hours discussing everything and nothing until dawn; resisting the urge to fall asleep because, damn, you can’t get enough of their voice…
I miss that feeling. I grew tired of wondering and working on how to get our supposed “spark” back. We'd lost it too long ago to continue on pretending, so I finally pulled the plug. The way I see it, we’re young, and for the most part mature, therefore we're bound to find true love in this lifetime.
On that note though, fuck love. At least for a while. This next chapter of mine is committed to sex, lust and fun; to put myself out there and truly learn who it is I'm looking for. I vow to allow myself to fall into the arms of many, and be open to experiment; sexually or romantically... who knows what could happen! That’s what this diary is for: documentation. After all, you shouldn't settle on a car without test driving a few of them first, right? Well, I say the same goes with men...
“Okay," I caved. "Last time. But this doesn't change anything.”
I watched him realize I'd meant my words. Slowly, he raised his hand to my knee and slipped it up my thigh. I admit initially it may have started out as pity sex. There he sat, newly dumped and wide-eyed: a puppy asking for one last bone. He's too adorable to say no to, and this may be the last time I’ll ever kiss those lips...
I cannot recall the last time I'd moaned so fiercely within our 6 years together. Any bottled up anger and passion was taken out onto each other in the most absolute pleasurable ways. I’ve always liked it rough, and my crotch felt numb for hours from the hard thrusting of our bodies. I’ll miss him, I won’t lie about that. But I don’t regret my decision.
We hugged goodbye and I stood to watch him drive away, both of us satisfied with our found closure. I hope he finds happiness, the way we both deserve it. And with that thought, I logged onto Facebook and officially changed my status to Single.
Let the new times begin.